My past

I grew up in the middle of nowhere. My parents hated me ever since I was a toddler just because I could never live up to there expectations. Also I drowned myself in the prospect of becoming a better person in my own eyes, yet always failed. I put everyone else's life before my own to the point that I felt if I hated myself and put myself blow everyone else, it would make the world a better place.I'm not a very talented person anymore. I used to have a steady hand and a good voice. But that all turned to ashes as I started middle school, along with several substances. The anxiety ate up the little confidence I had, being replaced by the tiring fake confidence so no one would be able to see threw me. The singing not only became shaky due to forcing myself into it, but also low and husky due to the amount of smoking that went threw my body. I didn't care about what would happen to me in the future. It all looked dark and scary, in the end; hopeless.So thus I tried to end everything the fastest way possible; Suicide. Everyone I had ever been close to left me. Whether they just strayed away from me; Or died suddenly. It was hard to make connections with people since I was scared to let myself out. I was scared that people would fear the monster that had dwell within the mask. I was sick of being alone; I was sick of being alive.I was caught before I could do anything to really harm myself. Just many cuts that had started to alter my ability even more to become steady. I had been taken to a mental institution a few times. Scared, Confused, Lost in the world that I should have not ever seen before.12 years old and in a mental institution. 12 years old and wanting to end my life.Where has my sanity gone to?This was not the end in any way. I kept on going; downwards that is. Drugs started to become another thing I desired. Drinking, Smoking, Doing drugs. Hanging out with the crowd that my parents detested. Maybe that is how this all started? Simple revenge by ruining my life just to spite my parents. Maybe I really am secretly driven by spite; But I cant stop now that I have begun. I cant stop myself from cowering in the corner at what I have become.